Belief

Received a care package from home today. It contained sweets I've loved since i was a toddler. I have cherished memories of helping my mom and grandmom prepare them. Roth, laedd, don't really know how to transliterate (?) them to english, but that what we call them. They are prasad for a festival we Kashmiris call Pann,  celebrated around Ganesh Chaturti.
so yeah, the package arrived, tightly and safely packed, and with the prasad was some vermilion and a naervaen , the reddish yellow thread people tie around their wrists after puja. These were meant for what I call my Kashmiri birthday. Thats my birthday in the lunar calendar. I dont even know when it is.
All this got me thinking. I call myself atheist, agnostic, spiritual, dudeist, pastafarian etc etc, but the truth is that i dont really believe in anything. Or rather, i dont know what I believe in, because it takes a certain amount of conviction to believe in nothing. And the conviction is where i fall short.
My question is that if i dont end up believing in what my elders believe in, will the rituals also die there. The rituals and traditions that make us Kashmiri Pandits, that make up what family life, social life and personal life to some extent for people in my family and of my cultural background, will I carry them on or just leave them behind as a relic of the past or something irrational or illogical?
And even if i do keep these traditions alive, will there be any meaning, any point, any fulfillment from just doing without believing? Wont it be a sham? I feel guilty. And confused.
To think of it, isn't it sad that people like me might be the death of a culture, to save which our families fled their homes and were persecuted.
I'm proud to be a Kashmiri Pandit. But why? And is this pride of any use?
I never really had much hope from religion and even despised it, finding it pointless and many times a means to baser ends. Was I wrong, or just to quick to judge?
I dont know, and hope theres something or someone out there who has answers for me.



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I am not doing anything.

P.S. This is the last post that I will syndicate to Facebook. I'm kinda tired of the whole note thing. This is the last time you will be tagged or not tagged in one of my notes. Those who for some reason do read this outlet of mine, you know where to find me.

If you dont know where to find me, heres a quick reminder ---> News and Rants

Tata-byebye for now.

The rather faltooness of things

I never use hinglish, but there is always a first. And this is it. I'm kinda blown right now. LIke a quarter or so of rum and a couple of joints down, so pardon my whatever should be pardoned.
I am in Ranchi. I listen to ambient progressive metal. Those statements should ideally be mutually exclusive. But are not. This isn't an insult to Ranchiites or whatever they may call themselves (you cant trust people nowadays, they come up with funny names) just that i havent found people with a similar taste in music out here. Let us not forget, forgot. whoops.
I realize I need to study, but just cant seem to find any use in it. ITs not like I havent started but there just doesn't seem to be a point. And so there.
The search for potential girlfriend candidates goes on......... and on....... and on. Yet there doesn't seem to be a Land Ho!!! in earshot. Hahahaahahahah. Land Ho!.haha. ha. hmm.
We sang hindi songs today. Was fun.
Looking for somebody worthwhile online right now, but the results are in the negative.
yeah.

After extensive editing.
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Listening : ISIS - The other. Genre : Aforementioned.
Reading : Chariots of the Gods, Story of philosophy. And maybe my textbooks.
Feeling : Wasted. But in a good way. 8)